FND Blog

Alabama Mersk: Behind the Scenes

From a friend of a friend (note that in this version, Urkel had no authority to give orders to shoot):

Subject: Fw: US Navy vs. Pirates, Version Number 3
> >             Date: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:44:52 GMT
> >
> >             For what it is worth ALL of my back door msg traffic and info indicates that this is the most accurate summary of all. Sure compliment the Captain who made the decision to get on with it,-----i.e. cleared to FIRE, with great results.
> >
> >             Date: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 05:59:28 -0400
> >             Subject: Pirate Saga Details
> >
> >             Forwarded FYI. This sounds like the real story as it fits with other accounts but makes more sense.
> >             Your "Real" story is not exactly the way I heard it, and probably has a few political twists thrown in to stir the pot. Rather than me trying to correct it, I'll just tell you what I found out from my contacts at NSWC Norfolk and at SOCOM Tampa.
> >
> >
> >             First though, let me orient you to familiarize you with the "terrain."
> >
> >             In Africa from Djibouti at the southern end of the Red Sea eastward through the Gulf of Aden to round Cape Guardafui at the easternmost tip of Africa (also known as "The Horn of Africa") is about a 600 nm transit before you stand out into the Indian Ocean. That transit is comparable in distance to that from the mouth of the Mississippi at New Orleans to the tip of Florida at Key West-- except that 600 nm over there is infested with Somalia pirates.
> >
> >             Ships turning southward at the Horn of Africa transit the SLOC (Sea Lane of Commerce) along the east coast of Somalia because of the prevailing southerly currents there. It's about 1,500 nm on to Mombassa, which is just south of the equator in Kenya. Comparably, that's about the transit distance from Portland Maine down the east coast of the US to Miami Florida. In other words, the ocean area being patrolled by our naval forces off the coast of Somalia is comparable to that in the Gulf of Mexico from the Mississippi River east to Miami then up the eastern seaboard to Maine.
> >
> >             Second, let me globally orient you from our Naval Operating Base in Norfolk, VA, east across the Atlantic to North Africa, thence across the Med to Suez in Egypt, thence southward down the Red Sea to Djibouti at the Gulf of Aden, thence eastward to round Cape Guardafui at the easternmost tip of Africa, and thence southerly some 300 miles down the east cost of Somali out into the high seas of the Indian Ocean to the position of MV ALABAMA is a little more than 7,000 nm, and plus-nine time-zones ahead of EST.
> >
> >             Hold that thought, in that, a C-17 transport averaging a little better than 400 kts (SOG) takes the best part of 18 hours to make that trip. In the evening darkness late Thursday night, a team of Navy SEALs from NSWC (Naval Surface Warfare Center) Norfolk parachuted from such a C-17 into the black waters (no refraction of light) of the Indian Ocean-- close-aboard to our 40,000 ton amphibious assault ship, USS BOXER (LHD 4), the flagship of our ESG (Expeditionary Strike Group) in the AOR (Area Of Responsibility, the Gulf of Aden). They not only parachuted in with all of their "equipment," they had their own inflatable boats, RHIB's (Rigid Hull, Inflatable Boats) with them for over-water transport. They went into BOXER's landing dock, debarked, and staged for the rescue-- Thursday night.
> >
> >             And, let me comment on time-late: In that the SEAL's quick response-- departing ready-alert in less than 4 hours from Norfolk-- supposedly surprised POTUS's staff, whereas President Obama was miffed not to get his "cops" there before the Navy. He reportedly questioned his staff, "Will 'my' FBI people get there before the Navy does?" It took the FBI almost 12 hours to put together a team and get them packed-up-- for an "at sea" rescue. The FBI was trying to tell him that they are not practiced to do this-- Navy SEALs are. But, BHO wanted the FBI there "to help," that is, carry out the Attorney General's (his) orders to negotiate the release of Captain Phillips peacefully-- because apparently he doesn't trust GW's military to carry out his "political guidance."
> >
> >             The flight of the FBI's passenger jet took a little less than 14 hours at 500-some knots to get to Djibouti. BOXER'S helos picked them up and transported them out to the ship. The Navy SEALs were already there, staged, and ready to act by the time POTUS's FBI arrived on board latter that evening. Notably, the first request by the OSC (On Scene Commander) that early Friday morning to take them out and save Captain Phillips was denied, to wit: "No, wait until 'my' FBI people get there."
> >
> >             Third, please consider a candid assessment of ability that finds that the FBI snipers had never practiced shooting from a rolling, pitching, yawing, surging, swaying, heaving platform-- and, target-- such as a ship and a lifeboat on the high seas. Navies have been doing since Admiral Nelson who had trained "Marines" to shoot muskets from the ship's rigging-- ironically, he was killed at sea in HMS VICTORY at the Battle of Trafalgar by a French Marine rifleman that shot him from the rigging of the French ship that they were grappling alongside.
> >
> >             Notably, when I was first training at USNA in 1955, the Navy was doing it with a SATU, Small Arms Training Unit, based at our Little Creek amphib base. Now, Navy SEAL's, in particular SEAL Team SIX (The "DevGru") based at NSWC (Naval Surface Warfare Center) at Little Creek do that training now, and hone their skills professionally-- daily. Shooting small arms from a ship is more of an accomplished "Art Form" than it is a practiced skill. When you are "in the bubble" and "in tune" with the harmonic motion you find, through practice, that you are "able to put three .308 slugs inside the head of a quarter at 100 meters, in day or night-- or, behind a camouflaged net or a thin enclosure, such as a superstructure bulkhead. Yes, we have the monocular scopes that can "see" heat-- and, draw a bead on it. SEALs are absolutely expert at it-- with the movie clips to prove it.
> >
> >             Okay, now try to imagine patrolling among the boats fishing everyday out on the Grand Banks off our New England coast, and then responding to a distress call from down around the waters between Florida and the Bahamas. Three points for you to consider here: (1) Time-Distance-Speed relationships for ships on the high seas, for instance, at a 25-knot SOA (Speed Of Advance) it takes 24 hours to make good 600 nm-- BAINBRIDGE did. (2) Fishermen work on the high seas, and (3) The best place to hide as a "fisherman" pirate is among other fishermen
> >
> >             Early Wednesday morning, 4/8/2009, MV ALABAMA is at sea in the IO about 300 miles off the (east) coast of Somalia en route to Mombassa Kenya. Pirates in small boat start harassing her, and threatening her with weapons. MV ALABAMA's captain sent out the distress call by radio, and ordered his Engineer to shut down the engines as well as the ship-service electrical generators-- in our lingo, "Go dark and cold." He informed his crew by radio what was happening, and ordered them to go to an out-of-the-way compartment and lock themselves in it-- from the inside. He would stay in the pilot house to "negotiate" with the pirates.
> >
> >             The pirates boarded, captured the Captain, and ordered him to start the engines. He said he would order his Engineer to do so, and he called down to Engine Control on the internal communication system, but got no answer. The lead pirate ordered two of his four men to go down and find him and get the engines started.
> >
> >             Inside a ship without any lights is like the definition of dark. The advantage goes to the people who work and live there. They jumped the two pirates in a dark passageway. Both pirates lost their weapons, but one managed to scramble and get away. The other they tied up, put tape over his mouth and a knife at his throat.
> >
> >             Other members of the crew opened the drain cocks on the pirates boat and cast it adrift. It foundered and sunk. The scrambling pirate made it back to the pilot house and told of his demise. The pirates took the Captain at gun point, and told him to launch one of his rescue boats (not a life boat, per se). As he was lowering the boat for them, the crew appeared with the other pirate to negotiate a trade. The crew let their hostage go to soon, and the pirates kept the captain. But, he purposefully had lowered the boat so it would jam.
> >
> >             With the rescue boat jammed, the pirates jumped over to a lifeboat and released it as the captain jumped in the water. They fired at him, made him stop, and grabbed him out of the water. Now, as night falls in the vastness of the Indian Ocean, we have the classic "Mexican" standoff, to wit: A life-boat that is just that, a life-boat adrift without any means of propulsion except oars and paddles; and, a huge (by comparison) Motor Vessel Container Ship adrift with a crew that is not going to leave their captain behind. The pirates are enclosed under its shelter-covering, holding the captain as their hostage. The crew is hunkered down in their ship waiting for the "posse" to arrive.
> >
> >             After receiving MV ALABAMA'S distress call, USS BAINBRIDGE (DDG 96) was dispatched by the ESG commander to respond to ALABAMA's distress call. At best sustainable speed, she arrived on scene the day after-- that is, in the dark of that early Thursday morning. As BAINBRIDGE quietly and slowly, at darkened-ship without any lights to give her away, arrived on scene, please consider a recorded interview with the Chief Engineer of MV ALABAMA describing BAINBRIDGE's arrival. He said it was something else "... to see the Navy slide in there like a greyhound!" He then said as she slipped in closer he could see the "Stars and Stripes" flying from her masthead. He got choked up saying it was the "...proudest moment of my life."
> >
> >             Phew! Let that sink in.
> >             Earlier in the day, one of the U.S. Navy's Maritime Patrol Aircraft, a fixed wing P3C, flew over to recon the scene. They dropped a buoy with a radio to the pirates so that the Navy's interpreter could talk with the pirates. When BAINBRIDGE arrived, the pirates thought the radio to be a beaconing device, and threw it overboard. They wanted a satellite telephone so that they could call home for help. Remember now, they are fishermen, not "Rocket Scientists," in that, they don't know that we can intercept the phone transmission also.
> >
> >             MV ALABAMA provided them with a satellite phone. They called home back to "somebody" in Eyl Somalia (so that we now know where you live) to come out and get them. The "somebody" in Eyl said they would be out right away with other hostages, like 54 of them from other countries, and that they would be coming out in two of their pirated ships. Right-- and, the tooth fairy will let you have sex with her. Yea, in paradise. The "somebody" in Eyl just chalked up four more expendables as overhead for "the cost of operation." Next page.
> >
> >             Anyway, ESG will continue to "watch" Eyl for any ships standing out.
> >
> >             The Navy SEAL team, SEAL TEAM SIX, from NSWC briefed the OSC (Commander Castellano, CO BAINBRIDGE) on how they could rescue the captain from the life boat with swimmers-- "Combat Swimmers," per se. That plan was denied by POTUS because it put the captain in danger-- and, involved killing the pirates.
> >
> >             The FBI negotiators arrived on scene, and talked the pirates into sending their wounded man over for treatment Saturday morning. Later that afternoon, the SEAL's sent over their RHIB with food and water to recon the life boat but the pirates shot at it. They could have taken them out then (from being fired upon) but were denied again being told that the captain was not in "imminent danger." The FBI negotiators calmed the situation by informing the pirates of threatening weather as they could see storm clouds closing from the horizon, and offered to tow the life boat. The pirates agreed, and BAINBRIDGE took them under tow in their wake at 30 meters-- exactly 30 meters, which is exactly the distance the SEALs practice their shooting skills.
> >             With the lifeboat under tow, riding comfortably bow-down on BAINBRIDGE's wake-wave ("rooster tail"), had a 17-second period of harmonic motion, and at the end of every half-period (8.5 seconds) was steady on. The light-enhanced (infra-red heat) monocular scopes on the SEAL's .308 caliber Mark 11 Mod 0 H&K suppressor-fitted sniper rifles easily imaged their target very clearly. Pirates in a life boat at 30-meters could be compared to fish in a barrel. All that was necessary was to take out the plexiglass window so that it would not deflect the trajectory of the high velocity .308 round. So, a sniper (one of four) with a wad-cutter round (a flaxen sabot) would take out the window a split second before the kill-shot-- no change in sight-picture, just the window blowing out, clean.
> >
> >             Now, here's the part BHO's "whiz kids" knew as well as the Navy hierarchy, including CO BAINBRIDGE and CO SEAL TEAM SIX. It's the law in Article 19 of Appendix L in the "Convention of the High Seas" that the Commanding Officer of a US Ship on the high seas is obligated to respond to distress signals from any flagged ship (US or otherwise), and protect the life and property thereof when deemed to be in IMMINENT DANGER. So, in the final analysis, it would be Captain Castellano call as to "Imminent Danger," and that he alone was obligated (duty bound) to act accordingly.
> >
> >             Got the picture?
> >
> >             After medically attending to the wounded pirated, and feeding him, come first light (from the east) on Easter Sunday morning and the pirates saw they were being towed further out to sea (instead of westward toward land), the wounded pirate demanded to be returned to the lifeboat. There would BE NO more negotiations-- and, the four Navy SEAL snipers "in the bubble" went "Unlock." The pirate holding Captain Philips raised the gun to his head, and IMMINENT DANGER was so observed and noted in the Log as CO BAINBRIDGE gave the classic order: WEAPONS RELEASED! I can hear the echo in my earpiece now, "On my count (from 8.5 seconds), 3, 2, 1, !" POP, BANG! Out went the window, followed by three simultaneous shots. The scoreboard flashed: "GAME OVER, GAME OVER-- NAVY 3, PIRATES 0!"
> >
> >             I hope you found the above informative as best I know it-- and, please excuse me in that after more than 50 years the Navy is still in me. I submit that AMERICA is going to make a comeback, and more than likely it'll be on the back of our cherished youth serving with honor in Our military. So, let's Look Up, Get Up -- and, Never Give Up!

We're on BlogTalkRadio Tonight

Just a heads-up. I will be on BlogTalkRadio tonight at 7pm CDST. I will be interviewed by Minnesota blogger Chad Everson who runs the Grizzly Groundswell website. Chad is from Princeton, MN and is trying to unite the country one backyard at a time to the dangers of socialism. Click here to listen in at 7pm or to stream the audio from the archive if you missed it.

John McCain: Victim-in-Chief

In his first campaign ad, John McCain plays the Vietnam War card and from all indications, he has nothing in his hand but brag and bluff. Brag because he is playing his trump right out of the starting blocks. Bluff because the opening suit is his prisoner-of-war credentials.

Granted, the man is a patriot. He volunteered for combat and put his life on the line for his country--a deed most are unwilling to do. But I am not making these observations as most would; as a naive civilian who marvels from afar at a soldier's honorable (but alien) motivations. Rather, I am editorializing as a fellow veteran and aviator who entered the service for these very same motives and I am here to tell you that we war-fighters feel a sense of shame over the senator's boastings. Please keep this perspective in mind as I exegete the following.

Navy Lt Commander McCain's claim to fame is that he got shot down. As a pilot, this is not something to brag about. Especially for a fighter pilot. Remember Scott O'Grady whose F-16 got shot down over Bosnia in 1995? When the Air Force attempted to parade him around the country as a hero for other young men and recruits to emulate, he had the good taste to resign and crawl in a hole. Not John McCain. He has now indicated that he will be exhorting us daily through November 4 that his innocent circumstances and ultimate capture should merit him special distinction. Well, if this is the case, how then are we to regard those of his squadron-mates who somehow managed to remain airborne for 100 sorties and complete their missions? How are we to tip our hats to those more skilled who kept their head on a swivel and safely returned-to-base to fly and fight again? If you are John McCain, you hope those guys remain potted on their Viagra-highs and don't rise up to Swift Jet you.

Detecting a few sour grapes here? A preponderance of negative-slack among pilots, perhaps? I, and Tom Wolfe, resemble that remark:

"Then one day a member of the Group was coming in for a landing. He let his airspeed fall too low before he extended his flaps and the ship stalled out and he crashed and was burned beyond recognition. And they brought out the bridge coats and sang about those in peril in the air and put the bridge coats away and the men shook their heads and said it was a damned shame but he should have known better than to wait so long before lowering the flaps."

Tom Wolfe, The Right Stuff

 

Aeronautical vanity aside, the senator's disparaging messages are affecting other members of our military, too. For instance, ever wonder just who gets the privilege of becoming a POW in the first place? Well, when it comes to such great scholars of the Geneva Convention as the VC were (not), it turns out pilots were the sainted ones. They were captured for their high propaganda value on American TV. The grunts on the ground? The jar-heads in the jungle? All shot on sight. "He has walked the walk," McCain's ad says. And a flayed 18-year old corporal didn't? Not that this benificance was somehow McCain's doing, but is your elevated station on some barbarian's debauched caste system something you really want to be bragging about when thousands of your countrymen were assassinated because of it? It may be something the senator thinks is endearing but it certainly doesn't endear him with us.

This leaves McCain's perhaps most dangerous deed: the furthering of our societal decay by adopting the left's insistence that victimhood be synonymous with heroism. Think about it. Audie Murphy single-handedly rushes a machine-gun nest to save his men. Sgt Rock takes on a squad of bad guys with just a KA-BAR and a nicotine-stained sneer. Meanwhile, what does the SAM Magnet do? He is captured, tortured and subject to lax medical attention. The two are not equal. In one case, the hero is the aggressor. He is the one on offense and the one who takes the initiative. The other is a victim; passive, defensive and reactionary. This is not a minor point to those who serve. This subtle denigration of our nation's true heroes is insidious to our culture, confusing to our youth and does violence to our way of life. To twist these two meanings to inflate one's inferior accomplishments only serves to knock down those greater.

If every soldier performed at John McCain's level, his exploits might look exemplary, to outsiders. However, thankfully, many others excelled and to those fellow brother-in-arms who did their duty and beyond, this braggadocio is unconscionable and needs to be scrapped immediately.

Middle States Backlash

As predicted earlier, the Middle States are starting to rise up and spit in the eye of the MSUS (Mainstream United States). Case in point, yesterday's overwhelming support for a new gas refinery in the South Dakota county of Union. Not only will this project shatter the MSUS' 32-year moratorium on refinery-building but it is also aimed squarely at reducing our dependency on the Middle East.

"The refinery will process 400,000 barrels of tar sands crude a day from Alberta into low-sulfur gasoline, diesel and jet fuel," reported the Sioux City Journal.

"We have strategies in place to slow or delay all the permit processes," countered a NIMBY spokesman.

Couple this development with Montana's recent threat of secession on breach-of-contract grounds over the 2nd Amendment and its hopeful that  we may be seeing the first seeds of an open revolt. TRAVEL ALERT: If you value your freedom and desire to live in a prosperous soveriegn country again, I suggest you get your tickets now before the border fences go up and the State Department prohibits travel.

Tokin' Bob Extinguishes All Hope

It looks like Bob Barr, another promising beacon of conservative values, has joined the other burning hulks on the side of the Road-To-The-White-House and has just flamed out. Guess it's back to John "SAM-Magnet" McCain again.

Anti-KARE: Sharia? What Sharia?

What can we expect from a state-chartered school that mandates praying to Muhammad, has a catchy soothing title like Tarek ibn Ziyad on the side of its building and teaches the peace-loving religion of the Koran to its hijab-clad students? That's what one metro-area news outlet wanted to know when it dared to take pictures of the Muslim academy in Inver Grove Heights. Here's what they found: you can expect its director to come out and rip the camera out of your hands as you and your reporter get jacked up by his two bodyguards all the while oblivious to the dozens of kids who get to see first-hand how to properly treat dhimmis.

This warm, loving exhibition of Islam was aired tonight by KARE11 reporter Scott Goldberg, who was there at Tarek-whatever-whatever watching as his brothers-in-arms from KSTP5 were being affectionately mentored in the nuanced intricacies of Sharia. But did this reporter remonstrate with the same alarm and offense he would have if the brawl had occurred at some Christian home-school? And did the anchors offer the same offended eyebrows or glib head shakes normally reserved for cigarette-smoking bar actors? No. They gave the smackdown a scant 10-seconds notice, uncharacteristically rejected the typical "ISLAMIC STORM-TROOPERS ATTACK" chyron and certainly weren't going to expend the resources to investigate further. Not when they can go after Catholics.

In the Muslim world, the mosque is the government. That's why this religion should be fair game for analysis and rebuke, just like our authorities. Yet Islam is untouchable...so far.

I can't help but think I caught something tonight. A flicker of horror perhaps in the eyes of the Personalities (if I had access to a slow-motion camera). A subconscious realization of what Sharia law would look like if the media were to continue in its Chamberlainian-denial. Then again, it's going to be these secular anti-family promiscuous lefties that will get jihaded first. It would be silly not let them be the speed bumps if that's what they really want.

Movie Review: Iron Man

Rating: 3-1/2 cigars (Great CGI/interesting casting/unimaginative script)

Finally got to see Iron Man last night and despite being sandwiched in-between a Beavis-and-Butthead high schooler on my right and a pregnant woman about to give birth on my left (oops, sorry honey), it was pretty good. The first pleasant surprise patriotic film-goers will notice is the villains: they are actual Muslims. Yes, that's right. Rag-heads. Camel-huggers. Sand-monkeys. The same barbarous murderers that we are at war with in real life. Go figure. How did this faux pas make it past the Hollywood PC filters? It didn't. Marvel Studios financed this superhero drama themselves. I suspect this is because some Hollywood suit wouldn't allow The Thing to smoke cigars when Fantastic Four was produced. That would piss me off and that is why another pleasant surprise awaits you; manly men who drink scotch, smoke cigars and chase women. AAARRR!

I liked the casting. MOBsters will instantly recognize Tom "Swiftie" Swift as the rebellious and irreverent Tony Stark, Mitch "Iron Monger" Berg as the lumbering evil Obidiah Stane and Guy "GuyDog" Collins as the soft-spoken agent from S.H.I.E.L.D. I liked the CGI, too. Much better than the cartoonish Spiderman films. But other than that, I found that Iron Man just didn't "pop". Not like Blade Runner watered your eyes with its set design. Or Matrix could keep rolling down your socks after seeing it for the umpteenth time. For example, the writing on Iron Man just wasn't suspenseful. It wasn't as antiseptic as say, a 24, but not even the climax will put you at the edge of your seat so don't expect anything revolutionary or even evolutionary here (heart-plugs? Come on. That's so Dune). Equally underwhelming was the music. I have been humming the Black Sabbath riff since I saw the first preview. How awesome would it have been to have torqued up that heavy-metal fugue as Tony Stark walked out of the terrorist cave in his earth-shaking pig-iron prototype. VERY awesome. How equally disappointing it was then when it wasn't played at all (20 seconds during the closing credits don't count).

All in all, Iron Man really had the potential of forging some new cinemagraphic ground but in the end, the new studio startup combined with a light-weight actor-turned-director proved to be too much to overcome. But keep your eyes out. With Marvel Studio's upcoming slate, things can only go up from here.

Next up: The Dark Knight, Hancock, Hellboy II, Star Trek: Zero (w/ Simon Pegg as Scotty)

Wives

Buy A Book, Elect A Vet

Starting this week through the end of October, I am setting aside $1 from each sale of Foreign and Domestic to help elect pro-surge vets to Congress. Specifically, OEF/OIF vets from the Vets for Freedom organization like Medal of Honor nominee, David Bellavia and NJ State Captain, Vince Micco.

Army Sgt Micco served in counterintelligence in Iraq. He is now a mortgage banker, father of four and running for New Jersey's 9th Congressional seat. "When the youth of that country grows up, we will have a powerful ally," he said. "The children love us."

SSgt Bellavia was with Task Force 2/2 when he led his Army platoon house-to-house during the Battle for Fallujah in 2004. There, he single-handedly cleared a house of six insurgents thereby saving his men and earning him the Silver Star. "No one sober can look at the success [in Iraq]…and say it is not working," Bellavia said to a group of Washington reporters earlier this month. "2010 will be the 1948 of our generation…we will take the House and the Senate back.”

I am proud of these and other courageous vets like them across the country. Not only have they risked life and limb on a foreign battlefield but they continue to fight for us by putting their names and reputation on the line back home. That's true inspiration and while this starving artist doesn't have enough money to donate to their causes, he can contribute the one thing he does have: books.

OH! I broke a Nail!

OH! A bandit, my 6 o'clock!

This is why I left the military.

Scenes from our Next Episode

I have recently been fielding questions about the unsyncopated methods I have employed in releasing my books for the Foreign and Domestic trilogy (book 2 is book 1, book 1 is book 2, etc). Rather than copy and paste emails ad infinitum, I thought I would post about it here so I could just send readers a link.

Foreign and Domestic: Campaign II--Battle for the Middle States is sequentially the first book of the FND trilogy but since it starts in the middle of the story, I made it to stand alone. The next book, Campaign I--Rise of the Ex-Nihilos, will actually be the prequel (you can blame George Lucas for setting this dangerous precedent with Star Wars). In Campaign I, I will explain the events that set America on its future course (e.g. the aircraft accident that caused the UN to become a super-power, the family feud that got President Earle elected, the origins of the patriot secret army and their near-defeat at the boneyards of Arizona). Finally, Campaign III--Second Nation (actually, the 3rd book will be the 3rd book) will cap off the trilogy and detail the final battles between the Sovereign Forces, Zzgn's UN and Earle's XUS.

If there is enough customer demand, I have a fourth book in me, Overwar, which will show how the American conflict has shattered Secretary-General Zzgn's carefully-laid plans and the desperate measures he pursues to see that his global ambitions succeed.

And if that isn't enough, plans exist for a prequel to the trilogy, Captains and Lieutenants, which will follow young Spider's turbulent Air Force career from a young lieutenant in pilot training up through his unceremonious ouster as captain. This one will be fast and dirty since I won't have to make much up; it will roughly parallel the twists and turns of my own colorful AF career.

Movie Review Quick Hit: Nim's Island

Rating: 4 candy canes (for children)/3 cigars (for adults)

Took Mrs. Mannske to see Nim's Island last night and it was very good. I don't usually spend money for kid's movies but since I am planning on pitching the book to Walden Media in the near future, I like to monitor their product.

While kids will love this action/adventure, so will parents since it's not produced by Disney. That means Nim's Island has no sex, no innuendo, no swearing, no disrespectful children with buffoons for parents and no earth/animal/spirit/goddess worship. For those of you '300' fans, you'll love Gerard Butler's swashbuckling but for everyone else who will want to get up and leave rather than watch another minute of Jodie Foster's slapstick, just remember: it's for the children.

It's Not Over 'Till the Scruffy Man Sings

Settle down, Minnesotans. Non-commital hearsay and inebriated ramblings left on an ESPN answering machine do not a story make. The Wisconsin faithful have seen this too many times before and we're laughing in our kraut at your guilibility. Until you see Brett Favre in front of the cameras muttering the words "retirement" from his own mouth, we suggest you relegate yourselves to another year of dropped passes, colliding safeties and low expectations. Questions?

UPDATE (3/6/08): OK, you all can gloat now.

Say Hello to Our (Google) Future

Meet Babette. Babette is Google's CMO (Chief Massage Officer). I came across her while perusing their website and was just so blown away by her and their benefits page that I just had to share it with y'all so I wouldn't be the only one feeling deprived.

Babette's (Babe-ette?) therapists are going around the clock at the Googleplex. Utilizing a special massage-scheduling algorithm, she sends forth her palpilegions to reinvigorate the tired sore Googlers with the most potent chair, table, tai, prenatal and cranial-sacral massages search ads can buy.

Turns out, Babette is just the tip of the non-revenue- producing iceberg at Google. Hungry? Why not grab an alligator jalapeño cheesecake from the free Google restaurant on campus. Smelly? Just drop your moldy Grateful Dead T-shirt into the free washer down the hall.

Hooray for Google, though. It's wonderful what their employees can do in the 30 minutes of productive time they have left in a day. What's chilling is this is what's in store for the rest of us. For instance, Google not only pays mothers for maternity leave, they also pay fathers. How long will it be before the DFL introduces this bill, creating a new irrevocable "right"? Co-founder Eric Schmidt wants to "strip away everything that gets in our employees way." How long before Google's entitlements becomes ours and America joins Russia in the GNP toilet?

As the Official Futurist at FreedomDogs, I exhort you to do your part by just saying NO. Say no to employer-provided pet insurance. Say no to milestone reviews in the sauna. By doing so, you'll be saying yes to freedom, yes to a virtuous work ethic and yes to keeping that house-wrecker Babette from fondling your husband.

Military Brings Welcome Warmth to the North

For those of you readers out there who are curious about how the POP gun works when the Sovereign Forces raid Grand Island Casino Intl in Hinckley, this video from CBS comes the closest. While it doesn't seem to yet have the ability  to engage multiple targets or simulate different effects (at least that's what the Army is telling us), I think the effects would be beneficial to Minnesotans. Especially when ice fishing, shopping for Christmas trees or warding off anarkids at the GOP convention.

Why a Paperless Society Will Never Happen

Since before the Pentateuch, man has been wired for books; anything with words that he can scan and has pages that can be thumbed through and flipped backwards and forwards through its chapters. Things you can't do with a laptop. 

The scrolls of the early scribes conformed themselves to the physiology of their readers. From the spacing of characters that could be accommodated comfortably by the eye to the number of characters the brain could digest before needing a line break. Gutenberg copied these same proportions when he printed his Bible. Likewise, the dimensions of our present-day books have preserved these same ratios. Not so with computers.

You lose context with an ebook. You loose continuity. It's like trying to see the ocean through a porthole. It's like trying to compose this post through this little text box. 

Think of an open newspaper, splayed out before you with outstretched arms at the breakfast table or on the bus. How natural and effortless it is to skim from corner to corner, picking out the Brewer's box score from last night's game or fanning through the classifieds until you spy that fine fire-engine red '66 Mustang convertible. You can't do that on a 15" screen. 

Our affinity for the printed word isn't taught and won't disappear when our kindergartens convert to Kindles. Reading the printed--not projected--word is in our make up and is what makes us human. Man-made efforts to eradicate it will prove fruitless. Like the well-intentioned scientists trying to prevent the dinosaurs from procreating in Jurassic Park, nature will prevail.

NOTE: You can read more on this meme at World Future Society.

There Will Be Blood? Where?

Rating: 2 Cigars (Aimless, Pointless, Tiresome)

Synopsis: Oilman Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day Lewis) finds California crude and pipes it to the Pacific Ocean. On the way he breaks his leg, adopts an orphan, slaps a pastor, abandons the orphan, murders an interloper and has bowling lanes installed in his mansion.

Review: Sorry about the synopsis. This pic was really that aimless. And since it was based on Upton Sinclar's Oil, this movie reads more like a book report than a contiguous story. It is a great character study and showcases Daniel Day Lewis' superb acting skills. But you want this film to be anything other than that--such as entertaining or understandable--don't waste your money.

Cinematography is rich and acting and casting very enjoyable; DDL has his hunch, deep baritone and limp down pat. However, the music, by Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead, hovers between nerve jangling percussion rimshots to a screeching discordant violin torture from some Strauss etude. Give me Danny Elfman or Hans Zimmer any day.

The first dozen pages of script must have been all white because there is no dialog for the first 10 minutes. An hour later, you are beginning to wonder where this movie is going as there is no inciting incident and no story arc to hold your interest. Two hours later, the movie ends with sub-plots dangling from the theater ceiling and no redemptive theme in sight.

All in all, a terrible waste of money, which means it will no doubt sweep the Oscars.

P.S. There is very little blood in There Will Be Blood

Problems with Amazon: Search Inside the Book

After dedicating the last few months to maximizing my sales on Amazon, I am finding out that a lot of the features they advertise are just that, advertisements. This discussion begins a series of expositions into these half-arsed services that either under-perform, are intermittent or don't even work at all. Add to that the frustration of being ignored by Amazon tech support for weeks and months at a time and I am on my very last nerve. Hence, these posts.

SITB is a powerful feature. It sprinkles key phrases from your chapters onto your detail page so visitors can get a flavor for it without having to crack the cover. This is especially useful with techno-thrillers since many readers can quickly discern your plot and story just from the names you pick for your weapons and devices. I know because this is how I make most of my purchases.

However, it doesn't work. I uploaded the pdf for my paperback last summer and I still don't have one single SIP displayed. Now I wrote my book in such a way to optimize SIPs. SIPs are Statistically Improbable Phrases and are the bread and butter of any commercial fiction. Phrases like "high value asset" or "blast blade" or "transcranial magnetic stimulation" are sure triggers for this feature but alas, no joy. And when I point out phrases in my book that show up as SIPs in other more popular books (e.g. "tasking order" and "missile fields" in several Tom Clancy books), I get a ring tone from the help desk.

There is a lot the wizards behind the curtain are not telling us authors and when the Amazons get called on something, they clam up and hope we go away. Everyone, please stand your ground and don't go away. If you have had similar dealings or suspect that Amazon is not writer-neutral, add your post here. I have many more open tickets with techsupport and will be sharing those with you here and on my Amazon profile page. In the mean time, I am trying to hunt down resources to help me better understand the shadow government of Amazon. So far though, no book exists that details these broken features, only those that take Amazon's promises at face value.

SD43 is Nuts.

I had to walk to get tonight's GOP caucus at Wayzata MS, the cars were parked so far away. Just for my ward alone, there was no room to vote and had to shuttle us to the cafeteria. No one expected this, least of all the person who only printed up the 20 ballots they thought would be enough. This makes me think of Polk County GOP when I was running it. I wouldn't have had enough people to fill a phone booth. There are 87 people here. If Hennepin Co. is anything like this, my head is swimming.
STRAW POLL UPDATE: Romney-51, McCain-14, Paul-10, Huckabee-2.

Google IS Evil

I am over here on the right-side of the Internet creating a new Google ad campaign for my book and trying out a new list of keywords. Now keywords are trigger-words that will bring up your ad whenever a surfer types it into a search box; like "rush limbaugh." I wanted to use this specific keyword because Limbaugh fans are a perfect demographic for my novel. But lo and behold, when I try adding "rush limbaugh," Google won't let me. It offers me options for misspellings such as "rusch limbaugh" and "russ limbaugh" but not the big guy himself.

Hmmm. I try other personalities like "dennis kucinich", "al franken" and "rosie odonnell." No problem. These moonchildren come up just fine.

What I've just experienced is the left-wing agenda of Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin. You may have thought this could only happen in China. Not so. Further investigation reveals not only a denial of Rush's earthly existance but a plethora of deragatory terms approved for use, such as "limbaugh divorce", "limbaugh drugs", "limbaugh lies." Nice.

This is insidious. At least if the Yellow Pages "forgets" to list my BPOU headquarters, it'll be obvious. But if the algorhythm tweak-meisters at Google send my pro-Iraq War blog post to page 10 of its search results instead of page 1, how am I going to prove bias? The world has flocked to the Internet because of what the liberal MSM did to the printed word. Where is there to go after a behemoth like Google does the same to the web?